


We are Broken

by Mizu7



Series: WidowTracer Epic [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implications of torture, Insomnia, Memories, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizu7/pseuds/Mizu7
Summary: Taking place after "Fly on the Wall", Widowmaker....Amelie is beginning her therapy and treatment in hopes of returning to some kind of normal life. But in doing so there are some side effects, she may not want to admit it, but she's going to need all the help she can get. Luckily she has just that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was commissioned by the amazing megahashi to "do whatever you want". I've always wanted to kinda play around in the recovery process of Widowmaker so here we are. Hope you enjoy!

_“Where is he?!”_

 

_“...F...fuck...you…”_

 

_The man hissed through his teeth, stepping forward to gain enough momentum to kick the prisoner straight across the face. She cried out but nothing more, falling hard on the cold stone ground, splitting her forehead. Blood dribbled from the crack in her face, she let out a sharp hiss in pain but pulled herself back up again, slowly, tugging on the restraints behind her back but just as she had for the past two hours, she sat back up, broken and beaten but refused to crack. She looked him in the eye, spitting out a mouth full of blood at the foot of her interrogators._

 

_“I would sooner die….than give him up”_

 

_His knuckles were sore, patience wearing thin but not once did her bloody and bruised smile falter._

 

_“She’s not cracking” a man in the shadows comments, impressed._

 

_“Give me more time and I-”_

 

_“No no, that won’t be necessary….there has been a-”_

  


“-a change of plans and…”

 

Angela stopped herself, realizing the new occupant in the chair, though was looking at her, wasn’t quite paying attention. Her eyes appeared to be lost and staring off into space despite appearing to look focused.

 

“...Are you alright?”

 

“Oui” she said, quickly, precise. Her eyes immediately brought back into the present and though not very convinced, Angela continued with the new plan of attack.

 

Which included more neural scans, therapy (she rolled her eyes into the sun but said nothing), she was still restricted to the base, limited on where she could go on her own and always be at least thirty feet away from the nearest weapon.

 

It was safe and somewhat humane, they say it’s for her morale, to keep her human. She thought it was foolish. She was still a deadly weapon that could turn around and could kill them all if someone blew the right whistle.

  
But she went along with it, not that she had much of a choice in the first place. It was this or...nothing. There was nothing else for her, her hands felt empty without a gun in her grasp, the thrill of the kill gone and taken from her. What else was she good for now?

 

Until the day she figured it out, Amelie, previously known as Widowmaker, dug her elbows into her legs, hands folded together with her mouth pressed up against them. Staring at the wall just behind the doctor, counting down the seconds of when it was over and done with.

 

Angela leaned forward in her seat, not a clipboard or lab coat in sight. She made it very clear she didn’t want her to feel like an experiment or patient. It took nearly two weeks but at least she spoke more than a few words at a time with the right question.

 

“You haven’t been sleeping?” she asked gently.

 

“No”

 

“Why?”

 

“Dreams”

 

“...Would you like to elaborate?”

 

“Never dreamt before” she clicked her tongue, looking away for a moment,”...annoying”  

 

“Are they...bad dreams?”

 

She paused a moment, she appeared to be thinking, choosing her words carefully before deciding,”...yes”

 

“Do you…want to talk about it?”

 

“Non”

 

“Well you never slept that often in the first place correct?”

 

Her hands unconsciously tightened.

 

_Wires. Machines. IVs. Cold. Chamber. People watching._

 

_Ba…..Bump…..Ba….Bump_

 

**Goodnight little spider**

 

_Darkness._

 

_Ba…………………...Bump…………………..Ba………………….Bump_

 

_Light._

 

**Time for someone to die**

 

**Find the girl. Break Overwatch**

 

**Kill her. Kill her**

 

She didn’t budge.

 

“It’s very common, nothing to be worried about. I know you...might have a lot on your mind and this is going to be a very slow process”

 

She said nothing else but nodded. It was something.

 

“And...we do appreciate you two being patient with us” Angela ignored the short glare being shot at her,”If you’d like, I can arrange for you to-”

 

“I don’t need her”

 

Angela paused a moment, blinking back in surprise at the sharpness of her voice.

 

“No need to be defensive. I get anxious when I’m more than a few days away from Fareeha” she offered a small smile but it went unseen, her eyes wandered to the walls behind her. Those sharp deadly eyes, Angela sighed.

 

“And it’s not weakness to be attached”

 

She blinked slowly, like a cautious cat attempting to feel comfortable with someone new, but she looked away now. Finding the table in the corner more interesting to look at while digesting these words.

 

“She misses you, you know that right?”

 

She said nothing.

 

“Calls me everyday, checking on your progress...making sure you’re ok”

 

Finally she snorts, shaking her head as if it were the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

 

“Little fool”

 

And yet her voice was soft.

 

Angela’s eyes narrowed, she was normally so good at reading people. She may not have been able to crack Lena but at least she knew when she was lying, whether the cocky brit knew it or not. But this, was something else entirely. What at first she assumed to be a cold sniper trying to keep her cool and keep an edgey villain like facade, she nearly laughed at the lack of response in their first session. Until after much closer observation she came to the conclusion that the sniper known as Widowmaker wasn’t expressing any thing for the sake of not appearing to be weak, she just couldn’t.

 

Unable to process the fact that Lena would die over and over again for her with a smile on her face.

 

“New plan!” Angela declared, pulling her phone on and within half a ring had a familiar voice on the line.

 

**_Fareeha? Mein schnatz could you possibly do me a tinsy favor?_ **

* * *

 

It was as dark as it could be in London now, well past midnight and somewhere in King’s Row slept the girl who lived. Again. Somehow.

 

After not only surviving a bullet to the chest, but also being yanked back into reality once more, it was quickly declared that Tracer was in need of a break. Granted this was very much against her will, after finally being reunited with the former enemy sniper, doctor’s orders consisted of being away from base and relaxing.

 

Which was a word that didn’t exist in Lena’s vocabulary but she reluctantly went, leaving Amelie behind to find herself despite wanting nothing more than to be with her every step of the way. It might have been for the better, less bias, less eyes or pressure. But all it really did was send her anxiety through the roof, wondering if maybe they would go back on their word and turn her in? Or did they continue their interrogations for information on Reaper? They still couldn’t find him, which in turn meant Jack was also gone. Overwatch had returned to glory under the command of Captain Amari, who was none too happy about the Talon sniper but luckily had an organization to run to keep her occupied until Jack returned.

 

There was a lot going on despite the terrorist organization being shut down, crime still running rampant and countries still pointing fingers but as the world kept spinning, Lena was sent home.

 

She was well inside a deep sleep when her phone buzzed, pills or not, her phone going off was like an alarm, strictly trained to be up and awake at any given moment and ready for any crisis. Her eyes shot open and her hands went straight for the phone only to go numb and dead halfway through, suddenly remembered she was just unconscious moments ago.

 

Lena groaned and fumbled with the small thing from the nightstand before smacking the answer slide and letting out a long groan.

 

“Yes….hello Tracer is…” she stopped a moment to yawn,”...here...here I’m here what happened who died where is the fire” she mumbled, her voice groggy and on the verge of falling right back asleep.

 

_“Lena relax it’s just me, I’m sorry to wake you”_

 

“Oh hey Fareeeeeehaaaaaa…..” she yawned again, flopping over to lie on her back she rubbed her tired eyes.

 

_“I just dropped off tall dark and scary. Can you confirm?”_

 

Lena froze for a moment, letting the words slowly process as the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. A sudden feeling of being watched, like old times.  

 

“You...wait wh-”

 

Her words cut short with a yelp as a paif of ungodly cold hands grabbed her ankle and yanked her nearly off the bed if she wasn’t stopped by a body being illuminated by the blue light from her chest looming over her between her legs. There she was, after weeks of being apart, Amelie had slipped her thin long sleeved shirt off before reaching for the waistband of her pjs.

 

“Clothes. Off. Now”

 

Lena blinked, suddenly very much wide awake with a smile growing every second, “Well it’s good to see you too beautiful”

 

Fareeha, unfortunately having the honor of listening, coughed into the phone, which was barely enough to pull Lena’s eyes away, “ _I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear any of that and I’m leaving”_

 

“Tell Angela I love her!” she giggled, tossing the phone aside to sit up, but before she could do much of anything, Amelie quickly grabbed the hem of her loose tank top and slipped it up and off. Lena gasped, being shoved straight back on the bed as harsh bites to her neck and feverish hands roamed her body. It was nearly out of character, to be seemingly so desperate.

 

“I’m all for spontaneous visits don’t get me wrong but-”

 

“Quiet” her voice stern, demanding.

 

Lena quickly grabbed her hands from going south, “Hey wait, wait hold on a moment”

 

She huffed, sitting up and straddling her hips with eyes narrowed dangerously, very frustrated and annoyed, “Really? I come all this way and-”

 

“Something’s up, I can tell”

Her hair released from it’s usual high ponytail, bra straps slipping from her shoulders, at any other time Lena would be a puddle before those beautiful golden eyes but something was wrong. Those dangerous hues couldn’t even look her in the eye.

 

“....hey what’s wrong?” she asked gently, sitting up on her elbows she reached up and cupped her cold cheek. A silent request, she sighed, hesitant but gave in and allowed eye contact, opening a widow for her to see. Lena’s heart felt tight, looking at those sad eyes that appeared to be lost, seeking familiarity.

 

“Lena...please…” her voice so soft it sounded foreign to the both of them.

 

“I need this”

 

Oh.

 

Her thumb gently stroked her defined cheekbone and offered a small smile before nodding, “Ok”

 

Had Lena blinked, she would have missed the tiniest of curl at the edge of her lips and the look of relief wash over her face.

 

Her fingers slipped from her cheek to her chin, gently guiding her to meet in the middle; three weeks was much too long. She couldn’t help but smile as they kissed, as if no time had passed between them their own rhythm, they were in sync, they made love like they fought. Precise. Synchronized.

 

She may have come in here with a plan in mind, but after seeing those lost eyes Lena had every intention of making her remember where her home was.

 

As cold hands wandered back south to rid of the blue shorts, Lena grabbed at her hands again and pushed, flipping her right over putting the grinning girl right on top.

 

“You’re going first”

 

In an instant fire returned to her eyes, a sly grin spread across her cheeks and god the way she bit her bottom lip nearly sent Lena into cardiac arrest, “I missed you cherie” she purred.

  
“Oh bloody hell I have missed you”  

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“S-STOP!”_

 

_The man in the shadows scoffed, “Suddenly asking for mercy now?”_

 

_She couldn’t hear them. Not over the blinding sound that tore her ears into bleeding profusely down her chin and neck. Lights, sounds and ideas, toxic words and a beaten body. Amelie lost count of how long she was trapped, held prisoner and survivor of multiple torturous techniques she thought meant to break her resolve. Meant for information._

 

_Not anymore._

 

_“PLEASE STOP”_

 

_A strange helmet was placed over her head, it whirred and hummed to life as is closed over her eyes and that was it. She let out a terrible shriek, desperately pulling at her restraints, slamming her own face and helmet against the ground and wall in hopes of breaking it apart before she did._

 

_Every so often the helmet would retracted, leaving her sobbing and bleeding for her captors to see and enjoy. They laughed, grabbing a fist ful of hair before asking every single time:_

 

**_“Do you still think someone is coming to save you?”_ **

 

_But this was only the beginning. This was the easy part._

  
_When she forgot her own name._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lena awoke with a shudder, tugging the blankets over her bare shoulders as a cold breeze brushed against her skin. She grumbled, rolling over to seek what little warmth she could snuggle up to only to find her bed empty. Her eyes shot open, confirming her suspicions, nothing beside her but a tangle of sheets. Another brush of cold air, now realizing how chilly the apartment had gotten usually meant she left the balcony door open. Except she knew for a fact she closed it.

“Oh no…”

Kicking the covers off Lena scrambled to pull on what clothes she could find scattered around her room, and honestly that woman had no regard of where she threw what, but her heart dropped upon realizing there was no sign of Amelie’s clothes anywhere.

“No no no please don’t be gone please don’t be gone” she begged softly, pulling the accelerator from underneath her bed before running out to the living room, throwing it on in a panicked and messy manner it smacked against her back as her hands scrambled to reach around for the straps to pull it on. She had buckled a couple by the time she made it out but froze dead in her tracks, finding the balcony opened just as assumed but there she was, out there. Amelie remained unmoving, leaning against the railing overlooking the city.

”You were going to look for me?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder.

“Of course I was” Lena huffed, unclipping and dropping the harness on the couch, finding a pile of her clothes and shoes there. Her eyes scanned the area and she understood it all in five seconds. The tv was on with the volume so low she could barely hear it, a mug of tea on the table with no steam indicating it was cold, and her clothes neatly folded off to the side. Her hair drifted gently with every chilly breeze and that brushed by, she didn’t feel it, despite wearing a large shirt Lena normally wore as pjs and panties only. Clearly she had been up for awhile.

“Did you think I was going to run away? Kill an innocent? Rebuild Talon?”

“I was going to look for _you_ ”

She made no reply, instead she returned her gaze to the city. Lena sighed, silently making her way out to join her on the lonely balcony.

“...how long have you been up?”

Nothing. No response or movement. She kept her eyes trained on the city skyline, where a few years ago she was perched, watching this very spot from the other end of a scope.

“Hey...come on...Talk to me...” Lena tried again, softer. Her arms slipping around her waist, burying her face against her back and placing a kiss where she knew by heart where the tattoo of a spider etched into her skin was.

“I can’t sleep” she said finally, her voice quiet, unsure and once again unfamiliar, Lena immediately lifted her head.

“But-”

“No I can…” Lena quietly felt the rise and fall of her back as she took in a deep breath,“...I just don’t want to”

“Bad dreams?”

“Memories”

Lena froze for a moment, mouth gone dry she struggled to speak as she asked, “...you’re starting to remember things?”

The mountain of possibilities and fears came crashing down on her shoulders in a single moment, but she felt her heart sink as the silence was accompanied with a hesitant hand gently threading her fingers with hers.

“...I don’t suppose you’re remembering any of the good things”

“Unfortunately not” she sighed, Lena felt a cold thumb gently stroked across her own in thought, choosing her words carefully, “I didn’t used to have them”

“Well...I guess therapy is doing something...good or not...” she shrugged, resting her head against her shoulder blade, listening carefully to the heartbeat that was just a mili second faster than it was before.

“Is this why you came here?” Lena asked gently, almost regretting it as she bit her lip as doubt began to settle in the back of her mind,” Needed a distraction?”

The soft hum of content vibrated in her chest at the memory, Lena felt as though she was listening to a satisfied cat purr.

“To be fair, yes it was quite distracting” she chuckled, shaking her head with a sigh on her lips, “It’s all we’re good at cherie”

At this, Lena immediately perked up, “That’s not true!” she squeaked, slipping her arms out of her weak grasp to sneak in front of her, ducking underneath her arm that grasped the railing of the balcony, squeezing herself to be between the rail and directly in front of the surprised woman.

“I mean yeah we snog n sex a lot, which by the way I really missed”

She nodded, “Agreed”

“But we’re just...a little weird when it comes to…” Lena suddenly blushed furiously, looking away with the smallest smile on her face as if embarrassed but too far in her words to back out,”...we’re just...different uh...when we want to ...y-you know show...uh...affec-”

“Love”

She said it so suddenly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world Lena had trouble closing her jaw.

“...see...I wasn’t going to say it because I wasn’t sure where we were about that and uh I want you to be comfortable and wow um what were we talking about? It got warm out here all of a sudden?“ the smile on her face could not be contained.

She shrugged,“I’m quite sure I’m the only one being ‘weird’ about it” she said this despite initiating a gentle nudge with her forehead, meeting her in the middle,“I just…”

Lena leaned back against the rail, slender arms settle behind her, curious fingers fiddle with her shirt, “I never...dreamed when I was with you”

Her breath caught in her throat.

  
Oh. She knew this. She knew this feeling very well actually.

“...Am...Amelie...”, her lips struggled to form the shape to say her name that still felt foreign to say again so casually when once it was the one thing that could bring her back.

Hesitant hands reached up and cupped the slender jaw line, requesting once again to see her eyes, finding them just as sad and lost as before. With a soft sigh, Lena place a soft kiss against her cold cheek.

Then another to her forehead before finally opening her mouth and found herself painfully saying something she never wanted to hear herself but needed to.

“I can’t fix you”

She didn’t move.  
  
“You know, I thought for sure after you sorta kinda moved in I wouldn’t have to take anymore pills or feel so anxious. I mean, it made sense, I had you, I have the most amazing job in the world so why would I need to feel so sad? But...it never stopped, I still feel low and I still get nightmares from an accident that happens to me years ago and let me tell you, it’s a load of rubbish but it’s just...how it is now...I can’t do much about it but make sure it doesn’t control me”

Amelie remained silent, watching her with eyes trained on her, observing and absorbing every word. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear but something she needed to; she wasn’t alone in this.

“So we’re stuck like this?” she scoffed at the universe and it’s cruelties, “Suffer like this forever perhaps?”

“Yeah but…” a cheeky grin spread across her face as her hands wandered from a gentle caress of her face to teasingly picking at the stretched out neckline of the old shirt, “Waking up to a beautiful woman every morning _really_ doesn’t hurt”

Lena and you smug little grin was always contagious, but she fought it away with a roll of her eyes, “You’re ridiculous”

“I know” she hummed, tugging on the shirt to bring her in closer, her lips brushing against hers with every word she mumbled,”And yet here you are. Still in love with me anyway. Ain’t that funny?”

She hummed, nodding in agreement and closed the gap, arms encircling her small back as that spark of warm and cold lips met with a spark of electricity. God she missed this stupid annoyance of a girl.

“I’m with you. Ok?” she said softly as they parted.

Amelie said nothing, but smiled, sincerely and nodded. Eyes not looking as lost as before. It was a start but a long road was ahead of them.

“Cmon, I am need of my big spoon”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like a cruel on going joke that was getting old very fast, Lena opened her eyes at four in the morning on the dot. She groaned, tugging on the pillows to bury her face in and hide herself from her own light that, despite sleeping just fine moments ago with it, just now suddenly felt like the most annoying thing on the planet. Well that and the clock sitting pretty on the nightstand reminding her what time it was.

 

“Bollocks…” she whined, yawning and scratching the back of her head but froze upon feeling beautiful soft locks tangled in her fingers that were very much not hers.

 

Amelie sighed, taking a deep breath in and out against her shoulder as she readjusted herself, burying her nose further into her shoulder ensuring every breath would be her scent, legs twitching just slightly against hers and grip under her arm and around her waist tightening just enough to remind Lena that she was in fact there. Despite the height difference, she somehow managed to fit so well against her back, like a puzzle piece reunited with it’s partner she didn’t even realize she was there.

 

She was never this clingy before, in the past when Lena would wake at odd hours of the night they would either separate or possibly an arm draped over her waist. Sometimes starting out this close but it never lasted, not like this. Not with every part of her holding onto her as if she were the one thing to chase away the memories. This wasn’t true. They both knew that now. But it was helping.

 

For the moment Amelie appeared to be at peace, her breathing at an even pace, not at all bothered by the bright blue light emanating from her chest. At least what Lena could gather from straining her neck to see.

 

She took in a deep breath and sighed, relaxing against her form once more, she wouldn’t find sleep for the remainder of the day. She will watch the wall, watching the color of the sky change from blue to sunrise and be there for her if and when she awoke with the memory of something she never wished to relive again.

 

Lena found herself shaking her head and laughing, intertwining her fingers with cold ones to bring up to her lips and place a small kiss over her knuckles.

  
_What a pair we turned out to be_

**Author's Note:**

> Artwork done by Nikanono . tumblr. com


End file.
